28th
One year.
Right now I should be writing my final paper for my study abroad… but instead I find myself all over the internet looking at things and I can’t help but be distracted. I am hoping that if I write a little my mind will clear up and I can jump in my paper…
I can’t even stress how happy I am right now. I really have the most amazing life. I am so lucky. Oddly enough, if you would have asked me how my life was one year ago, I would have told you I hated myself and had nothing to live for. I was selfish and needy. I was blind and ignorant to the world around me. Around this time last year I lost 3 of my friends in random accidents in the span of 2 weeks. To top off those awful weeks, the boy who I had fallen in love with turned out to be a liar. I was cheated on and for the first time in my life someone had left me before I had the chance to leave them. I can remember being so hurt and wondering why did he lie to me? I had put so much into making him happy that I forgot about myself… after he was gone I realized no one was going to take care of myself unless I started to first. It was right before his birthday that we broke up… I had originally planed spending my savings on a PS3 for him, to make him happy… I can’t imagine what would my life would be like if I had spent that money on him… Instead I bought my camera. All my life I had wanted to be a photographer, but I never had the guts to actually go out and buy a nice camera. I ended up spending almost all of my savings on lenses and my rebel. I began taking pictures at basketball games, parties, and soon I was taking engagement photos and before I even knew it I had my first paying freelance job.
This summer, on the other hand has been amazing. I was given the opportunity of a life time to study art in Italy. At first I was scared because I had no idea what I was doing, but part of me knew I needed to do it. I learned so much about myself during those weeks. I learned to be patient and more acceptable of other people. Also, I appreciate everything 1000 X’s more than I did when I left America. Now, don’t get me wrong, Italy is the most beautiful place I have ever been and I would go back in a heartbeat, but it made me appreciate EVERYTHING I have and I realized how blessed I am. I have a wonderful SUPPORTIVE family and the most amazing friends in the whole world. I couldn’t ask for anything else.
It may sound cheesy, but it’s true that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and I realize that last summer was a test and it did in-fact make me stronger. Sometimes when I think about last summer I get angry, and frustrated because I was so hurt by him. I get so angry that I want to call him on the phone and tell him how awful he is, but I know that if i ever did talk to him again I would tell him thank you. Thank you for letting me go, because I am the person I have always dreamed of being and I am doing all the things I’ve always dreamed of doing. I know if we were still together I would be too afraid to do things for myself and you would have only held me back. Instead, I am someone who isn’t afraid of being alone, and knows what she wants out of life and is determined to get it. Nothing can stop me now… not one damn thing.
